Marriage, Warnings, Affairs and Healing
Author: Steve Wickham
Source: ezinearticles.com
It’s almost untenable for a man to say it, but a straying wifehas almost always strayed due to either abuse or neglect on the part of the husband; and most often it seems it’s because of the latter. And how can this man say it? He’s known a wife that strayed–one that never returned. Not that he was entirely to blame, but he’s seen how easily it happens.
The quote below tells of another man who learned this stark truth:
“Her affair was a symptom of a terminally ill marriage. I’m not excusing her behavior, but I was not an attentive, loving, encouraging husband. She repeatedly told me how sad, lonely, and discouraged she felt and I selfishly tried to talk her out of her needs. I didn’t compliment her enough and I was not the spiritual leader of our home. Our marriage was a mess and a lot of that was my fault.”
When my former wife decided that the marriage was over, having fallen for another man, I was absolutely devastated as anyone would expect. I thought it would never happen to me. I thought she had it good (or ‘good enough’) with me. I was comfortable and grew too comfortable. I had a good job but travelled too much. I drank too much on weekends and preferred the company of the television to her. Though I was generally loving, I could at times be distant, harsh and critical. I was quite an imperfect husband.
In the end, I got a rude slap-in-the-face type of awakening and it took me close to a year to get over it. I tried everything I could for nine monthsto put the marriage back together but it wasn’t meant to be. It was too late in my case.
And this subject of extra-marital affairs, of course, has not just affectedme.It affects all manner of married couples and there’s all manner of outcomes. I’ve got a unique and special interest in this subject and have studied it keenly… learning about what’s happened to other marriages. It sparks my curiosity.
I feel good for those who, with lots of hard work, decide to put their marriages back together, confronting all the negative emotion;I often wished I’d have had that opportunity, mainly for the kids and my former wife’s benefit. But now I’m abundantly happily married to the most special and most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.
The key issue I thinkis we men never really get the warnings we need. We need to be beaten over the head with a baseball bat to really understand. And life’s not like that. The wife will often take matters into her own hands before that occurs. I felt I didn’t get the “notice” I needed to shape up, yet it didn’t matter in the end that my former wife had been trying to communicate it to me for several months, if not years beforehand, yet I did not listen. We just didn’t speak the same language.
If you’ve been married for several years and have grown too comfortable or there are the slightest communication issues between you, don’t think for one moment it can’t happen to you, because it can. Shape up now while you have a chance.
Back to the gentleman who made the above quote regarding the right direction and focus for marriage:
“Our theory is: always be fine-tuning your relationship. Never let your guard down for a moment. Never take each other for granted and be careful not to get caught up in emotions because our emotions can deceive us.”[1]
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